I cried at every job I’ve had. Back then, I’m always asking God what’s the right career I should take. I’m always in the rush of finding my happiness in the corporate world. I want to find my place and value, only to get up from my bed one day, realizing that I’m no longer happy in my workplace. There’s always a feeling like I don’t belong or I am not supposed to be here. Am I from another planet? I’m not an introvert; I’m just making myself clear. I just can’t figure out the feeling. The same thing happened from one job to another.

There were days when everything becomes unbearable. When you stuck everything up in your head; family, boss, work, your responsibilities in the ministry, even your love life? They’re just too much. Then you suddenly think that giving up is the best remedy. I want to rest. I needed help but nobody can rescue me. Nobody sees what’s inside. They can only see me smiling when I’m actually stabbed at the back.

I finally gave up. Thankfully, I gave up, because if I didn’t, I would have surely collapsed. I gave up everything to God.

This is my fifth job now. And I’m at home. Yes, I’m actually working right at the comfort of my own home. But what I’m referring to is that I found peace in my part-time job now. It may not be a high paying job I’ve had but it’s the most peaceful. And when I wake up every day, I’d tell myself that my greatest job today is to be the best I can be. Am I trying to make a fool of myself? Am I just trying to console my situation? I left those good paying jobs and I could even grab the best opportunities while staying there but I could have missed the lessons that God had taught me. I would have lost.

There are times before when I feel like I’m giving an insult to God because He always grant my prayers of getting those jobs yet I’m taking them for granted. I left them. But I realized that God loves me. No, God is madly in love with me. He even had great plans for me, for us. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you. Plan to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future”. Is there something that God could have missed when He laid out His plans for you?  Finally I realized that God is God. No one can fathom his thoughts and plans about our lives. However, one thing is for sure, His plans are better than our own.