Have you been a dumpee? Or a dumper?
Whichever situation you may have, I guess it’s the worst feeling one can have.
Well, I’ve never been to any relationship, totally! I never tried but I am on my way there (feeling hopeful). I’ve been enjoying the view and not really entertaining anyone.
So I’ve been a dumper. But being a dumper means you were given the chance, to be honest with someone and find your match.
Practically, I’ve never been a dumpee. But being a dumpee doesn’t mean the end of the world. It simply means you are given the chance to forgive, let go, meet the right person, and make the right decision.
But the worst thing is not knowing exactly if you have been an OPTION or what? Probably, being an option is the worst. Let me just share to you this little bit “crazy love” I’ve had.
So there was actually never an “us” but unbelievably, it took me 6 horrible years to get over from my first love. Hahaha! It’s good to know that I’m just laughing myself out whenever this thought came up. It’s a relief.
It was tough. Those times when we were so close as brothers, I’ve fallen for him quietly. Having him around gets even more comfortable because we are good as best friends. But when the time has come for us to depart he admitted of having a crush on me. Despite knowing that, I never told him exactly that I feel the same way. I only said that maybe someday after finishing our studies then everything could be possible between us. I assumed he got what that means and we will continue to be loyal despite the distance.
We went on our lives while hoping that he won’t see other girls. I was so sure of myself and his feelings. A lot of unpredictable things happened to me and my family that I couldn’t even respond to his messages. I was so confident of what we had and trust him quietly. Until one day, I discovered he just got a girlfriend! That was hard and tearful. When I finally met his girl I thought I’ve moved on but there were nights when I just cry myself to sleep. I suppressed all the hurts believing that someday I’ll get over him or he’ll come back.
Liking someone secretly and not liking you back is seriously like a torture. Sometimes you would wish to be someone else just to win him but that is not the right solution. Honestly, I tried to be good at everything to succeed and let him see that he was wrong for not choosing me in the end. I even tried to perm my naturally straight hair just to improve my looks. But it was all pointless. I came to realize that constant prayer is the right solution.
Even with your love life, you have to constantly ask God’s grace and guidance. If there is someone who’s more than willing to hear your heart, that is our Father in heaven. I praise God because He made me realize that choosing someone who is not choosing you back is not worth it.
Many times, when I am attending the mass or prayer meetings, I never missed to include my feelings for him in prayers. All I wanted is to let him go because that is exactly what God wants for me. Of course, it was never easy but that is the reality. On my process of letting go, I always thought of myself a fool of not letting anyone because I only have him in my heart.
A lot of ‘what ifs” came to my mind. But during the process, I learned to pray for him, his career and even his love life. Whoever he wants to keep in his heart, I want him to be happy in the end. Life has NO “WHAT IF’s”. Only certainties of God’s greater plans, even in our love life.
I will admit that 6 years were so much for me to finally get over him but what’s important is that I’ve learned to manage myself for that very long time. I guess patience is something I also developed in this experience. First, I learned to wait for him for a long time. Second is the process of getting over which took even a longer period of time! Lol!
No matter what, I thank him for teaching me how to feel; to love, to miss, to be happy, to burst into laughter, to get jealous, annoyed, to give way and even get flattered. Even emotions need to be explored. Because of him, I had a glimpse of what they call “love”. Sometimes, it is about letting go and being happy for that person. Without a trace of bitterness.
I finally realized that we’re not meant for each other. He’s been through a lot of breakups but I’m still wishing him to find his “happy ever after”.
Not being chosen doesn’t mean you have reached the dead end. Rather, it’s your preparation of welcoming someone who is willing to chase after you. As a woman, you DO NOT chase. YOU are supposed to be chased. Take back your power. Be honest with yourself and above all, respect yourself. Choose someone who truthfully and lovingly chooses you. Pick you. Chases you.
